Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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