Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
