I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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