yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
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