Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
At least make sure they are 18
Why
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
