Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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