Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize