i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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