its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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