The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
