did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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