D3 body, D1 cock
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
