you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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