If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize