He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
