My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize