If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
