I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
