You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize