He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
