I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
