just survived the first fart of the relationship.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
