saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
