she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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