When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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