Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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