I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
