I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
