He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
