my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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