i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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