Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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