Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
