the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
