I wannas sexs uuuuu
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
