I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
