Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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