I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
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