You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
