just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Who died my cat blue again?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
