Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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