Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
