I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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