Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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