I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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