you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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