You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize
