Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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