im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
