i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
