Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
