There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
