I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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