too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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