Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize