HIV tests are more positive than that guy
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
