It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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