My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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