Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
