I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I am spending my child support on dildos
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
