So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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