was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
