if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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