I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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