it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
