What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
