it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
