i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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