There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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