Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
