that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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