you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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