i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
