He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
