I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
