there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
time to smoke my breakfast
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
