I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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